The miracle of ageless friendships

The best thing to hold onto in life is each other….. Audrey Hepburn

I always knew my life would improve with age – and it has. When I reflect on these words I can see that it was much more of an intuitive belief, something I just knew. This belief resided below the surface, like an interior safe room, which as a young woman I could retreat to when something would rush in and throw me off balance. This belief was confirmed as I aged. It wasn’t until I was in my early thirties that I became more confident and comfortable with-in my self. Which is when my life and my life-long friendships began to unfold.

It’s interesting to reflect on our lives from our well-earned vantage point of age.

Gary Zukav, the author of Seat of the Soul, talks about an aspect of the soul that I found so profound that it changed my life. Imagine, if you will, that your soul is the mother ship, and here we are following behind in our little boats. As we track behind the mother ship, our lives unfold in a (mostly) positive way. It’s when we go off track that the obstacles begin to appear and disrupt our journey. If we can recognize this and right our course back to the mother ship | our destiny, our life becomes more manageable. For years I would say, in a positive way, that I felt like I was following along behind my life. No one has ever been more surprised by this journey than me. The opportunities that opened up, the guides that emerged, my confidence winding its way to the surface. It all merged to create a road map to my future.

At every major juncture along my career path, an Angel was waiting for me, disguised as a new friend.

It never ceases to amaze me the caliber of the woman in my life. They are vastly different from one another, and each possesses a uniqueness that sets them apart from the norm. The scope of their accomplishments ranges from careers in editorial/publishing, the arts, design, broadcasting, and motherhood. And least we forget courage. All these women were courageous in their chosen pursuits. This also includes those women who have moved to foreign countries, on their own. When we are gathered together, I can see how each friend has contributed to the person I am today, and I am so grateful for their presence in my life.

A few years before we moved to Cuenca, a friend hosted a birthday luncheon, in her home, for five friends and me. I decided to write a short note about each friend and their impact on my life. What an epiphany. The notes became letters. The chance encounters of our meeting became epic in the storytelling. My admiration for them became emulating. What an internal journey it is to witness and acknowledge the seeds our friends have planted in our interior landscapes. It was a truly cathartic experience for me.

Periodically throughout the luncheon, I read aloud the letters to each friend. At times it was hard to hold back the tears, especially when I saw their tears. But, it was not all tears. We laughed out loud remembering forgotten moments of men, bad hair and style days and all the right and wrong turns in our careers. It was not only a chronicle of our friendships but a loving experience for me. And as one friend said, “its your birthday and you have given us the gifts.”

• 

• 

Lasting friendships

It was hard for me to imagine leaving all these amazing women when we made our move. Over the years [30+ years average] of our friendships, I had tethered all these women to me. There was no way a few thousand miles between us was going to matter. In most instances, it didn’t! But, with one, it did. When I reflect on it now, I can see how the distance was turning into a chasm of fewer phone calls. The familiarity we once shared became cloaked in a veil of unease. It saddens me, but such is life. The memories of our friendship continually remain with me.

Here is the happy side of that coin. I know most of you will relate to this. How many long-distance friendships have you had? I know we all have them. And now I have even more! There are two that come to mind. One lives in Manhattan [NYC], the other lives on Maui, in Hawaii. I think, roughly, the last time I saw either one was around 2010 or earlier, and that was for a limited visit at best. With each, we talk at least twice a month for well over an hour each time. And it so warms my heart. I met my New York friend in 1980, in the offices of the number one teen magazine that had hired me for the West Coast office. The ad director handed me off to this very stylized New York chick. It was love at first sight and still is. I met my longest friend – way back when – I was a teenager; she was an older woman of 22! Many of her sought after artworks hang on multiple walls in our apartment. Just yesterday, we chatted about a trip to visit next year. When our lives are so busy or major changes alter our routines, it can be challenging to maintain friendships. It does take time and a conscious decision to keep friends close.

fabulous@any age

These days, I’m gathering together another tribe of fabulous@any age women. I don’t know if its the water, the altitude, or the peace of mind. But, I want to tell you there is an abundance of unique, artistic, accomplished women here in Cuenca and Quito. I have such admiration for those that have moved here on their own. Some not knowing a soul, others having an established friend in the city.

Artistically, Cuenca is a haven for women. There is an exceptionally talented group that resides at Fishbon del Sur. Located in the heart of the historical center. The founders, Laura and Clay, moved from Santa Barbara, California, where they were part of the Santa Barbara Fishbon Collaborative. Together they have established an amazing reportage of plays, music, readings, creative labs, and fun. Idiom Art is another stop on the artistic trail that runs through Cuenca. Established by Katheryn and Sara, this creative center resides in a 3000 sq ft refurbished patrimonial home in the center of town. This creative casa houses a full-time Gallery, workshops, exhibits of various design collaborations. And attracts a wide range of artistic talent. Sara also produces the weekly Under the Domes newsletter. Featuring the best of entertainment and the creative community throughout the city. The Azuay Community Theater calls a small theater on the east side of the city home. Deana and her talented team have brought community theater to Cuenca. The talent of the local actors moves effortlessly through a wide variety of productions.

Cuenca is home to a talented array of independent entertainers. Our very own Cindy, a former lead dancer, and singer with the Cats production, among other Broadway hits, performs regularly. Su, a profoundly talented saxophonist, composer, and writer. Performs in several, always sold out, venues when her name is on the marquee. Shiela. The multi-talented classical pianist and mystical lyre player is often a guest performer with the Cuenca Symphony.

Let’s have a round of applause for all these amazing women!

I am so pleased to know these women. And as my tribe expands, my life expands with it. I am eternally grateful to all those that have touched my life. I know without the girls I would not be the woman I am today.

I hope you’ll share a friend story in comments, we would all love to hear from you.

a note from kate…please make the time to follow the Gary Zukov link. It will take you to a remarkable 2017 Oprah Winfrey interview with Gary Zukav at UCLA.