The Boomerang Effect of Kindness

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.” Mark Twain

A few years ago, my husband, Arthur, said, “I want to be kinder.” I had never thought of Arthur as anything other than kind. On our first couple of dates, as I’m probing for intel on his friends and family. I found myself listening to him tell stories of his parents, extended family, and friendships with such love and genuine caring that it brought tears to my eyes. My father was a kind-hearted, caring man, and my mother had always said: “You will do well if you marry a man like your father.” Excellent advice. And I took it to heart.

When I asked Arthur what prompted him to do a little soul-searching, he told me it was not any particular moment. But over time, he found himself saying things in passing that were not kind. Maybe the words were in jest, over a few beers with the guys. But something in the banter made him uncomfortable and caused him to begin rethinking his words. Some words have been used for so long that until you become more aware of their impact, they go unnoticed.

Nietzsche considered kindness and love to be “the most curative of herbs and agents in human interaction.”

KINDNESS IS AN INSIDE JOB

As a fellow human, one’s true spirit is revealed through their level of kindness. Genuine kindness changes people in the doing of it – often in unpredictable ways. The key in that sentence is “in the doing of it!” It’s often referred to as the Boomerang Effect of Kindness. A friend or a stranger does a kindness for you, totally unexpected. The act leaves you with a feeling of euphoria that is so immense you have to share it. Hence, the Boomerang Effect – you must pass it along, and the good vibration must be shared by kindness. It becomes a ripple effect of goodwill. What a gift to receive and an even larger, heartfelt gift to oneself to pass along. As they say – pay it forward.

Anne Lamott wrote “You can either practice being right or practice being kind.

Kindness is an inside job! It’s in our DNA. Unlike other mammals, we, as humans, process a heightened level of consciousness. Conciseness triggers a biological response in us when we do something nice, helpful, or loving for someone else. Every day, we are presented with opportunities to choose between negativity and positivity. We have all been in situations where we can choose the knee-jerk reaction or the conscious response. Do we have to ask ourselves which feels better, and keeps the high in tack longer? I don’t think we need to spend too much time debating this. The answer is in the reward. We miss so many chances to extend kindness. We are simply too self-involved and too distracted to notice an opportunity when it comes along. What if we all raised the antenna of kindness? My goodness, could we possibly change the world?

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” -Princess Diana

In a study conducted by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside. Gave her students an assignment to do five random acts of kindness per week for a period of six weeks. At the end of the study, the students’ levels of happiness had increased by 41.66 percent. Being kind has a profoundly positive effect on happiness!

TWELVE THINGS HAPPY PEOPLE DO DIFFERENTLY

I wrote a previous post, Twelve Things Happy People Do Differently, about Dr. Lyubomirsky. She wrote an article in 2014 about the Twelve things happy people do differently. Number Four: Practice acts of kindness: Selflessly helping someone is a powerful way to feel good. Dr. Lyubomirsky goes on in her book The How of Happiness to say, “All that is required to become an optimist is to have the goal and to practice it. The more you rehearse optimistic thoughts, the more ‘natural’ and ‘ingrained’ they will become. They will be part of you with time, and you will have made yourself into an altogether different person.” Further proof that we are what we think and if we can expand our thought process to include optimism, love, and kindness to strangers as well as those we love – how different our lives would be.

“Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

STEP UP AND BE KIND

Words of wisdom from a wise man. Words for us to ponder right now as some random act of kindness could actually save someone’s life. We are currently confronted with a crisis that is demanding to know which side of good and kindness you, as an individual, stand on. And how much are you willing to sacrifice to help your neighbor or a stranger you are passing? I find it personally offensive and shameful that various groups, some in the name of God, others in the name of patriots, are chipping away at our fundamental rights. Right now, women’s rights are under assault. Why is the denial of medical procedures to save a woman’s life or save a ten-year-old child from the consequences of rape or incest not classified as physical abuse? Darkness has prevailed in many countries over centuries. Strong men dictators are cloaked in darkness, telling lies and fearful scenarios. On an individual and group level, we must stand up to the darkness and shine a light continually on the falsehoods and injustice. This crisis is bigger than one random act of kindness. “A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” Do you want to be cruel or kind?

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

MINDFULLNESS

The above quote brings the word mindfulness into our discussion. Defined as a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment. How often do we walk without seeing what is around us and drive on automatic pilot? How often have we thought, ‘Gee, I should have helped that person?’ You turn around, and they are gone. There is a light of hope for all of us. Micro-moments of kindness are actually moments of connection with others. These moments nurture us. Over the long term, the psychological nutrients in kindness contribute to our overall well-being, mindfulness, and love of those around us.

I love stories. Please share with me and your fellow readers those moments of kindness that have touched your life. Leave your story in comments, we’ll all be waiting. xok