The Boomerang Effect of Kindness

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” — Mark Twain

A Kind Man

A few years ago, my husband, Arthur said “I want to be a kinder person.” I had never thought of Arthur as anything other than kind. On our first couple of dates, as I’m probing for intel on his friends and family. I found myself listening to him tell stories of his parents and extended family with such love and genuine caring, that it brought tears to my eyes. My father was a kind-hearted, caring man and my mother had always said: “you will do well if you married a man like your father.” Excellent advice.

When I asked Arthur what prompted him to do a little soul searching. He told me it was not any particular moment. But that over time he found himself saying things in passing that were not kind. Maybe the words were in jest, over a few beers, out with the guys. But, there was something in the banter that made him uncomfortable and to begin rethinking his words.

Nietzsche considered kindness and love to be the “most curative of herbs and agents in human interaction.

Kindness is an inside job

One’s true spirit, as a fellow human, is revealed through their level of kindness. Real kindness changes people in the doing of it – often in unpredictable ways. The key in that sentence is “in the doing of it!” It’s often referred to as the Boomerang Effect of Kindness. Someone does a kindness for you, totally unexpected, the act leaves you with a feeling of euphoria that is so immense you have to share it. Hence, the boomerang effect – you have to pass it along, the good vibration has to be shared – by kindness. It becomes a ripple of goodwill. What a gift to receive and an even bigger gift to oneself to pass it along. As they say – pay it forward.

Anne Lamott wrote “You can either practice being right or practice being kind.

Kindness is an inside job! It’s in our DNA. Unlike other mammals, we as humans process a heightened level of conciseness. And conciseness triggers a biological response in us when we do something nice | helpful |loving, for someone else. Every day we are presented with opportunities to choose between negativity and positivity. We have all been in situations where we can choose the knee-jerk reaction or the conscious response. Do we have to ask ourselves which feels better, keeps the high in tack longer? I don’t think we need to spend too much time debating this. The answer is in the reward. We miss so many chances to extend kindness. We are simply too self-involved, too distracted to notice an opportunity when it comes along. What if we all raised the antenna of kindness. My goodness, could we possibly change the world?

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” -Princess Diana

In a study conducted by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside. Gave her students an assignment to do five random acts of kindness per week for a period of six weeks. At the end of the study, the students’ levels of happiness had increased by 41.66 percent. Being kind has a profoundly positive effect on happiness.

Twelve Things Happy People Do Differently.

I wrote a previous post about Dr. Lyubomirsky. She wrote an article in 2014 about the Twelve things happy people do differently. Number Four: Practice acts of kindness: Selflessly helping someone is a very powerful way to feel good inside. Dr. Lyubomirsky goes on in her book The How of Happiness to say; “All that is required to become an optimist is to have the goal and to practice it. The more you rehearse optimistic thoughts, the more ‘natural’ and ‘ingrained’ they will become. With time they will be part of you, and you will have made yourself into an altogether different person.” Further proof that we are what we think and if we can expand our thought process to include optimism, love, and kindness to strangers as well as those we love – how different our lives would be.

“Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.”

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

Step up and be kind

Words of wisdom from a wise man. Words for us to ponder right now as some random acts of kindness could actually save someones life. We are currently confronted with a crisis that is demanding to know which side of good and kindness do you, as an individual stand on. How much are you willing to sacrifice to help your neighbor or a stranger you are passing. I find it personally offensive and shameful that a group of suits in our capitol are even debating the welfare of families out of work. Out of work through no fault of their own. Right now food banks and charities are running out of food and money. This crisis is bigger then one random act of kindness. It will take a national act of kindness to assist our fellow humans. It can start in your very own neighborhood. My husband and I, plus three other couples, made a decision in March with the lockdown that we would all continue to pay our housekeeper though out this crisis. The level of personal satisfaction that has been returned to all of us by this combined act of kindness will stay with us long after the crisis has ended.

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The above quote brings into our discussion the word mindfulness. Defined as: a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment. How often do we walk without seeing what is around us, drive on automatic pilot? How often have we thought, ‘gee, I should have helped that person?’ You turn around and they are gone. There is a light of hope for all of us. Micro-moments of kindness are actually moments of connection with others. These moments nurture us. The phycological nutrients in kindness contribute, over the long term, to our overall wellbeing, mindfulness and love of those around us.

I love stories. Please share with me and your fellow readers those moments of kindness that have touched your life. Leave your story in comments, we’ll all be waiting. xok